I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She told me I should be a condom model.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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