Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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