Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
