Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
