Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
