He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The Olympian is in my bed
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos