A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Your penis caused this!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka