I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.