Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif