I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral