Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.