I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement