I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...