What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee