Texts From Last Night

Worst Nights of the Month

• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it. http://tfl.nu/53yn
  Replies (2) Good night (202) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka http://tfl.nu/95pf
  Replies (4) Good night (208) Bad night (477)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I am not dying my bush blue.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though. (860): I am not dying my bush blue. http://tfl.nu/alon
  Replies (10) Good night (624) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that?? http://tfl.nu/dflx
  Replies (8) Good night (193) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/tfvq
  Replies (2) Good night (150) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma? http://tfl.nu/bhgl
  Replies (3) Good night (265) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER. http://tfl.nu/32pn
  Replies (2) Good night (215) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen.. http://tfl.nu/o2yv
  Replies (2) Good night (166) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day? http://tfl.nu/5vcx
  Replies (3) Good night (207) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG. http://tfl.nu/ltlv
  Replies (4) Good night (277) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  We were licking ciroc off the poker table

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): We were licking ciroc off the poker table http://tfl.nu/515k
  Replies (0) Good night (123) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs. http://tfl.nu/mqhq
  Replies (3) Good night (132) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i need some food

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): i need some food (412): Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him. http://tfl.nu/mb52
  Replies (9) Good night (393) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs. http://tfl.nu/h6wa
  Replies (3) Good night (214) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island

  (209): View more from California

  The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island (209): The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have http://tfl.nu/kv13
  Replies (1) Good night (311) Bad night (452)