If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob