I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..