The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...