Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run