I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
You came to the right person.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.