Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha