is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!