I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point