Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.