Texts From Last Night

Worst Nights of the Month

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  (302): View more from Delaware

  On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.

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  (302): On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better. http://tfl.nu/rs0b
  Replies (8) Good night (711) Bad night (74) Order T-Shirt
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  (386): View more from Florida

  make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions

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  (386): make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions http://tfl.nu/o45u
  Replies (4) Good night (376) Bad night (73) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas

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  (718): We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas http://tfl.nu/oj71
  Replies (2) Good night (327) Bad night (73) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security

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  (479): He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security http://tfl.nu/nae6
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  (518): View more from New York

  There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."

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  (518): There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina." http://tfl.nu/mvmf
  Replies (3) Good night (625) Bad night (70)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...

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  (904): And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept... http://tfl.nu/rhyx
  Replies (4) Good night (218) Bad night (64) Order T-Shirt
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  (+46): View more from Sweden

  Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving

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  (+46): Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving http://tfl.nu/pqr1
  Replies (3) Good night (350) Bad night (64) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"

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  (515): I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone" http://tfl.nu/9mhp
  Replies (3) Good night (221) Bad night (63)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.

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  (936): We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by. http://tfl.nu/7uma
  Replies (1) Good night (202) Bad night (62)
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  (408): View more from California

  I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed

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  (408): I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed http://tfl.nu/4u9t
  Replies (0) Good night (278) Bad night (60) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended

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  (414): Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended http://tfl.nu/wygn
  Replies (0) Good night (463) Bad night (57) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.

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  (859): Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night. http://tfl.nu/d9pf
  Replies (3) Good night (397) Bad night (56) Order T-Shirt
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  (+92): View more from

  Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?

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  (+92): Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from? http://tfl.nu/pk33
  Replies (1) Good night (82) Bad night (51) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.

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  (330): Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors. http://tfl.nu/c683
  Replies (0) Good night (129) Bad night (49) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?

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  (817): Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one? http://tfl.nu/bc4f
  Replies (3) Good night (140) Bad night (48) Order T-Shirt