Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha