the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.