He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
I was spiderman.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".