I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.