she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.