i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.