My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My life is pants optional.
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Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
sex on a bike is impossible
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents