One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why are you drunk at the library?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.