I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?