Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.