You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.