I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?