I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night