How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life