I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.