I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.