when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?