there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.