Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE