Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.