My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.