I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.