I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right