Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father