I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?