Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me