She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?