We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.