I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I need water and some morals
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.