I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me