I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now