He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.