But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
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Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.