Texts From Last Night

Worst Nights of the Week

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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.

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  (574): I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever. http://tfl.nu/zs85
  Replies (7) Good night (141) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.

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  (+44): If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned. http://tfl.nu/qyit
  Replies (8) Good night (200) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.

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  (561): You know I love you. I just don't love your penis. http://tfl.nu/4w11
  Replies (6) Good night (177) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?

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  (757): Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures? http://tfl.nu/69o8
  Replies (10) Good night (166) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.

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  (917): Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly. http://tfl.nu/0uc8
  Replies (2) Good night (149) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.

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  (202): I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part. http://tfl.nu/p8tj
  Replies (2) Good night (196) Bad night (739)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.

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  (314): You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad (224): I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick. http://tfl.nu/vatm
  Replies (2) Good night (106) Bad night (736)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..

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  (215): i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out (1-215): you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night.. http://tfl.nu/3w68
  Replies (4) Good night (188) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.

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  (610): The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable. http://tfl.nu/zn9i
  Replies (1) Good night (180) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.

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  (305): I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me. http://tfl.nu/8pa6
  Replies (6) Good night (154) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.

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  (773): okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis. http://tfl.nu/pm2x
  Replies (2) Good night (163) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.

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  (289): In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/ntm3
  Replies (13) Good night (181) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?

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  (712): There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life? http://tfl.nu/al5z
  Replies (6) Good night (112) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay

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  (302): I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay http://tfl.nu/8522
  Replies (5) Good night (193) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry

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  (+61): Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry http://tfl.nu/2c34
  Replies (5) Good night (182) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt