So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”