eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I did not marry a roomba.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.