I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
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He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?