New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!