The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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