RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.