I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I broke a rule
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.