Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex