Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed