While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
