And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
