i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
