I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
