Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i think my cat just said my name.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
