...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Barsexuality is the new black.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
