I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
honey bunches of taint.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
