Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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