She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
