i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
