is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize