FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
