Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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