Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You can't special order awesome
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
