when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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