Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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