im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
