I haven't been this sober since birth.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
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About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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