He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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