all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
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I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
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Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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