You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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