I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
