I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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