All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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