Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
