And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
