you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
