went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
