Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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